Issat any better?

Chickenfeet2003 - such weirdness - still couldn't see it. Thank you :)

Current Mood: wising I was outside

but I don't get why it's fuzzy. Sadness! Can you stil read it? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

ETA: friend with appropriate software is currently rendering assistance.

Tonight I'm going to a funeral home. A friend of mine lost her wife on Friday and the visitation is tonight. Going tonight is going to be hard, and not just because she's gone before her time.

One year ago today at this time, I was driving from Kitchener to Toronto to get some clean clothes, and then drive back for my granddad's funeral.

Granddad was always a giant in our lives. My parents split up when I was still a baby, and until my mom met and married my stepdad, my family consisted of my mom, my brother, and my maternal grandparents. We lived across the street, ate dinner together every night, spent almost every weekend together at the cottage where Granddad took us fishing, taught us about boats and snowmobiles and how to stack wood. But Christmas, well - that was something else entirely. See, Granddad loved Christmas more than any other time of the year. He would decorate the whole cottage with wreaths and garlands, with train sets and tiny villages that grew every year, with snowglobes and ornaments and musicboxes and toys. It was, in a word, magic.

My grandmother died in the summer a few years ago, and Granddad had been having a series of health problems since. Last year at this time he was in a palliative care facility - we knew he didn't have very long, but he was expected to last into the spring or early summer. At his urging, my parents went ahead with their annual Florida trip for Christmas. I was staying at my brother (J) and SIL's place and spending the days with Granddad at Freeport. Having just gone through a truly horrible breakup, I was happy to be able to focus on making his Christmas a good one. Truth be told, it couldn't have been a better day. I had spent most of the evening with him on Christmas Eve, then went home to sleep and came back with presents and stockings in the morning (thanks Mom). We opened our stockings and presents until almost lunchtime, Granddad exclaiming over each new discovery and trinket, and pausing for naps as required. And then there were visitors. My siblings and their partners, and friends that he'd made over fifty years of practice and community service provided a steady stream of people in to wish him Merry Christmas and spend some time talking.

We had Christmas dinner there together, off our hospital trays, and I brought him some eggnog with spiced rum (after wheedling the nurses just a little bit) and we talked a lot. We talked about things that happened when I was a little girl, memories of my grandmother, about life and what it's like, how it can be hard and hurtful and beautiful, about how much he loved all of us. He slept more as the day wore on, and had a bad attack of pain in the late evening, which brought with it a lot of nurse-activity and a few very anxious moments down the hall for me. About ten o'clock he was sleeping steadily and I was physically and emotionally exhausted, so I took my leave and went to spend the night at my brother's.

I arrived at his apartment and we'd just sat down and had a drink when we got a call from the hospital telling us to come back now. We got there to be told that he's taken a turn for the worse and they didn't think he'd make it through the night. The head nurse called my parents in Florida and they were frantically trying to make arrangements to get home. J and I took turns sitting with him through the night, the other one catching an hour's sleep on the couch in the lounge down the hall.

This was the longest night of my life.

Granddad had sleep apnea, which means that he stopped breathing while he was sleeping, sometimes for as long as thirty seconds at a time. Sitting beside him, holding his hand, I just kept willing him to keep breathing and talked to him. He never really woke up, but sometimes he'd smile a little bit, or nod his head, or squeeze my hand. In the morning my SIL and my stepbrother arrived, and she took us to get some breakfast while he sat with granddad. We sat with him through the day until my parents arrived at seven, brought from the airport by my stepsister and her fiance. I've never been so happy to see them.

They sent us home to bed. In the morning we got up and were in the process of getting dressed to go back to the hospital when our mom called and told us that he was gone.

I miss you, Granddad.

Current Mood: sad

Via chickenfeet2003:

How evil are you?

Current Mood: eeeevil

Soy makes kids gay.

Current Mood: indescribable

These peeps are hardcore.

Livejournal has now been blocked from access at work (BASTARDS!!). Bizarrely, they've unblocked MySpace. Tell me that makes any kind of sense? In any case, I have a terrible feeling that my journal may be defunct until I manage to secure net access at home or develop a closer relationship with the net cafe down the road.

I miss reading you all!
- tankyouverymuch, and goodnight!

You know what I hate? I hate those stupid paper gowns you have to wear at the doctor's office, with the thinness and the inadequate coverage and the plastic ribbon belt thingy. I'd rather sit there starkers than try to move, sit, breathe carefully so as not to rip the damn thing that makes me feel more naked than if I actually had nothing on.

Somebody's got a physical this morning.

Current Mood: not quite awake

How do you gently tell somebody that you find them, at best, clingy, and at worst, creepy-psycho?

Actually, I've been back for days. I've just been too spazzed out to post, and I spent the last two days at home sleeping and sneezing and coughing (damned ragweed). I'm feeling a little better, though, and am back at work today.

Consider yourselves forewarned: my posts over the next little while will definitely be Michigan related. They will likely definitely not be in any sort of coherent sequence or progression, as I'm still rolling the entire experience around in my brain, and the bits that fall out are completely random.

First observation: Halfway up a beech tree is a lovely place to make out.

Current Mood: full of Thoughts

Woo! There's an extremely lovely member of 51 Division in my supervisor's office at the moment. I love when eye candy comes to visit.

Today when I checked my mail I found:

1) two letters from the National Coaching Certification Program containing my coaching certification cards (SQUEEE!)
2) the directions to Michigan (also squee!)
3) no bills. (fuckin A)

Current Mood: sleepy